God Bless America

Participant #1:

Welcome, everyone, to The Last Video Store Clerks Podcast with Frank and Scott. The days of Blockbuster Hollywood and the independent video store are over, but the days of searching the shelves for hidden gems and overlooked cult classics is never ending. Join us while we drown in a sea of streaming options and ask the question, what the hell hell is a good movie anyway? I'm Frank. I'm Scott, and we're the last video store.

Participant #1:

Yeah. No, I'm still waiting for the day when they're like, yeah, gluten allergies not real. The doctor that did all that gluten research, he retracted that after a while. Did he? Yeah. He was like, oh, it's not that there's Celiac people out there, but they can't even be in the room with a loaf of bread, you know? Yeah, and I understand that. But the whole gluten allergy, I'm on the fence about it. And I don't mean to sound like I'm completely uneducated on the topic, but everything that I've looked into, it's like, well, that seems kind of sketch. I fully don't believe in it. Do you remember when the water was bad here? They had the flood north of Austin, and they were like, the water has some sort of, like, amoeba. It might have something in it. Was it like an extended water boil notice? Yeah, it was like a month long, like, water boil. That sounds familiar. And coming into work, there were guys who worked at the water treatment plant, and they were like, the water is not bad yet. They were like, it's still not bad. And then when they lifted the boil notice, they were like, it never got bad. So there wasn't anything wrong with our water. It wasn't actually bad the entire time, but people would come in and they get so defensive about it. No, I can taste it. I haven't taken a shower in a week. Yes. That's fucking in your head, dude. No. And I bring up the gluten thing. Oh, but you know it is real, though, right? But, you know it is real, though, right? I do know that it's real. The way I think of it is like this. You know those magic eye pictures? Yeah. I've never seen one of those magic eye things in my entire life. I can't see it. I can't see it. I don't really believe anybody can see those. I believe you're lying because it's peer pressure and you've stuck to like, I've been telling people my whole life, I can see these magic iposters, and I don't believe you can. It's a schooner. I didn't even realize that. Tighten up. I watched Mall Rats again recently, but that's like my go to thing with stuff like that. It's my Renee Descartes head in a Jar Matrix thing. You can't prove to me that you can see the fucking sailboat. So I think it's a trick as Emperor's New Clothes. Yeah. I'll respect a vegetarian's choice. They've been established long enough now. Or at least I'll respect the choice. Sure, I'll poke holes in them if you're annoying. Do you know all the deer that lay down in cornfield at work? I set up some of these food events sometimes. Guys not everywhere has a gluten free option. A lot of places do now almost everyone. But there are still places without a gluten free option. Yeah, because this has been happening for what? It's probably 15 years old. Yeah. Fucking gluten. It still makes me mad, though. Well, I just always bring up to them. I'm like, are you on the Atkins diet, too? Yeah, because Dr. Atkins had a heart attack and died. All kinds of heart trouble with that. That goes all the way back to the pill Hicks doing jokes about Jim Fix, the guy who used to write books about jogging, and then he fucking died while jogging. Show me the data. Yeah, sorry. That's what they say to me at work all the time. Show me the data. Like, what does that mean? I brought a problem to your attention. Show me the data. Well, I've got a couple of emails and show me the data. All right. Star Trek. I watched a ton of shit this week. So much stuff. Yeah. I went and saw a movie in a movie theater for the first time in years. It was the best movie I've seen in a theater in years. Did the scene from Outbreak pop in your head with the germs flying through the air when people cough or laugh or sneeze? No. Kelly did want to stand up in the movie theater and be like, who has Cobbit? Is that like screaming fire in a movie theater? My weirdness about it went away relatively quickly and I got lost in seeing a movie for the first time. I forgot how much I liked it. I go a certain amount of time without going and seeing a movie in a movie theater, and I think I don't need it anymore. Like, we could do without this. Just release everything on HBO. But there's something about seeing a movie in a movie theater that's special. But I saw everything everywhere all at once, which was amazing. It had a short and round from Indiana Jones and Temple of Doom. Oh, really? Yeah. He's been like a martial arts choreographer ever since. But he's never in anything anymore. Well, because was he the same kid that was in the Goonies? Yeah. Radio. Radio, Cuba Good and Jr.

Participant #1:

Sorry. I want to say a bunch of Tropic Thunder lines. Now. We're not at a time where I'm supposed to do that anymore. In the want to say the R word a lot. It's just impulse. But he was great. And Michelle Yao is fucking great. It was like John Dies at the end with martial arts. That's very good. You're going to love it. Jamie Lee Curtis awesome. Yeah. You're really going to like that movie. It's dark, kind of movie. I'm having trouble. It's one of those titles I can't lock in in my brain. Yeah, same. I kept being like everything something. Or rather, because you've told me about it several times, and I still can't lock in on that title and just spit the words out without. Is there a giant meat man in it? No, but there are hot dog fingers. Daddy, would you like some fucking Freddy got figured as underrated. I love that. I really liked it. Rip Torn was fucking great. God damn it going to work at a cheese sandwich shop. Did you get a Le Baron Freddy? I only see one Le Baron Freddy. Oh, that's a great, horrible movie. That is a great, horrible movie. It's awesome.

Participant #1:

Okay.

Participant #1:

ably something I started like: 01:00

Participant #1:

Yeah. Actually, the movie we're doing today, God bless America. The girl Chloe, who is the first person they kill or Joel Murray kills in this movie is the younger version of her in Malignant. Oh, is it? Yes. That was where I recognized her from. I didn't put it together. Yeah, it was a weird one. You watched the correspondence dinner? I didn't watch it. I've seen a ton of highlights. Not like following one week until the correspondence dinner. That's not me. But tell me things that you thought of to talk about this week. And correspondence dinner was on there. And I was like, well, all of his material was great. And then some of Biden's jokes were even. He said something along the lines of like, I don't know who this Brandon guy is, but he seems to be doing a great job. It was just entertaining. And it's like I said, the last guy, he never showed up. And I mean, there was good stuff. Was there good stuff? I don't even remember paying attention. I think there were things they kept the comedic side of it up, but with it being Trevor Noah and then a President that I don't mind. This is funny again. Four years, I was just like, blacked out. Something bad is going to happen. And then when something bad finally happened, I came to you and I couldn't go to the store anymore. Yeah. Like, wait, what does that sticker stand for? You just drive around. It's like, wait, what's that on their back window? Like, wait, is that a bad thing? Oh, my God. Yeah. And what else happened this week? You also sent me a thing that said fast food has gone downhill. What does that mean? Okay, so fast food has gone down. You know, there's a lot of things going on with a living wage, lots of turnover in the fast food industry. I've heard stories about how shitty it's gotten. Fast food was always fast food, but now nobody gives a fuck at all because the people that did stick around, they're just pissed off. I worked in food service the first ten years of my adult life, and I left the job I had working for a grocery store chain at the beginning of the pandemic because I was like, this is fucking going to be slavery. Like, they're going to call us essential workers. I saw it day 1, March 17, when they let all the bartenders go home. I was like, oh, my God, we're fucked. They're going to pretend like, oh, we need you. And I was like, well, then fucking pay me more. Yeah. No, I've been work from home, and I'm just now going back into the office. I've gained a little bit of weight. Yeah, I'm a little out of shape, but I really didn't eat that much fast food during that time. I've stopped by some places. I'm not going to name any, but I've just gone to a couple of places in the last few weeks. It's fucking horrible. It's a shit show. The lines are ridiculous. The food looks like trash. And I get it. I completely get it. I've been pissed off about what I've been making. And when you're there in that field right now, with everything going on and the way prices are going up, the way they are right now, people are pissed and it's showing in their work. And so you go to these fast food places and it just sucks ass. You have to think that the ones that have been there the whole time through the pandemic too. Yeah. I've been living, like, just this level of stress every day. We're in food service already. Your stress level is so high all the time. They're getting no time off. They're not getting raises. The schedules are fucking horrible. You see all these videos on social media? Whole crews are leaving stores unattended. They're just like, no, we're out. Good for them. Yeah, I don't blame them whatsoever. And it's like, God, my food just looks like shit. Like, this is a completely wrong order. I'm mad, but I'm not mad at them, but it's just mad at the concept. Yeah. And it's just such a bad experience because you shouldn't be eating that much faster. Anyway, I'm a little thick around the midsection, the times we've gone to a normal sit down restaurant, we've been there with somebody who was getting irritated that their drink was empty and it hadn't been filled up again. No offensive about it. Yeah, don't be a Dick about it. You know what? I'm not going to go in there and bitch at the crew that's on staff. It's not their fault. I'm just saying their piss, the level of qualities dropped even more for fast food chains. From what I've seen, I've had in my hands. Yeah. And I know what I said during the SLC punk episode about how Tyler Durden was a bad guy in Fight Club, but that's where I started to swing back the other way. And I'm like, fucking. I've been making your food like, I worked in food service for over 15 years. People talked down to me. I learned to let it not make me angry and not take it home. Even in an office job like, Karen at the office is such an asshole. And she really got to me today. And then you go home and you tell your wife about it, and then you stress your wife out when you're doing it. You've relived the experience and Karen isn't thinking about you. No, don't let Karen win. I've let Karen win. Me, too. But I feel like I made reasonable safeguards against it. But I can't imagine how any of those would have held up during the pandemic. No, like I said, I don't blame it on the crew. It's this whole crazy situation that everybody's in. But, yes, leave those people alone. Just don't go out to eat if it makes you mad. Yeah. If you're going to be one of those people who decides to talk shit or get real shitty in general about it, don't be that guy. Yeah, those people are here to serve you, and you're not doing them a favor by eating there or anything like that. You're just being a Dick because those people don't want to work there. No one's like, I'm going to be a waitress forever. And hopefully anybody listening to us will understand that. I think so. We shouldn't have to break this down to too much. Yeah, especially tip your server. Speaking of which, video store clerk, there's a Blockbuster TV show coming out with Melissa from Arrow and Randall Park. What are they going to do? I don't know. I don't know what network it's on. I imagine NBC or maybe Fox, I don't know. So it's going to be in a different Netflix series. That's what it is. It's going to be in a certain 90s. Shut up. Yes. They're holding DVDs and the thing. So I guess you could say early two thousand s. Yeah. And weird casting. So that worries me a little bit. Anybody that I know in it. Melissa Femaro was in Brooklyn 99. She's the love interest of Andy Sandberg. Yes, I like Andy Sandberg. I never watched Brooklyn 99. I love Michael. Sure. I fucking love Michael. Sure. Office Michael Sher created A Good Place. Brooklyn 99. Oh, okay. Yeah. You like Michael? Sure. I like Michael Sher. I just don't know. Did you watch The Good Place? Olympia watched A Good Place. So yeah, I watched it from a distance. Favorite sitcom ever, I think. No, I could always just sit down and watch it. It's basically lost if it was a sitcom. My friends pointed that out. To me, it's the same sort of like high concept philosophy because at one point there's that twist sort of, you know what I'm talking about. But it's like the twist is there always it was. But when they start to acknowledge it. Yeah, it's a great show. Spoiler alert. If you haven't watched The Good Place, what the fuck is wrong with you? It's been years. Do it before it gets snatched back by Peacock or something like that and put behind a paywall that you weren't already paying. I did notice the big red clock is not ticking. Oh, fuck me. That's what she said. Let's get into fucking God Bless America because I think this is going to be a lot of stuff to talk about. There are not a ton of people in it. It was directed by Bobcat Golfweight. Frank, give us a summary. Yes. So basically, Frank no relation, played by Joel Murray. He's a divorced dad with an ungrateful daughter, got migraines, suffers, insomnia. He lies awake flipping through cruel reality TV fantasizing about killing his neighbors, screaming baby, and wondering when America became so rude and mean. On the day he loses his job for sending a receptionist who had a bad day flowers, he finds out he has an inoperable brain tumor. So this guy just lost his job. Thought he had something going with the receptionist who reports him for sexual harassment. And I love the way how she's like. He's like, can I get my book back? Yeah, because he lender a book at the very beginning. But he gets fired same day he finds out he's got this brain tumor that he can do nothing about. So Frank steals a fast car and drives to Virginia Beach where he guns down a bratty, spoiled rich chick who was on a reality TV show. Her name is Chloe. At that point at the high school where this little bratty chick goes, he meets Roxy, played by Tara Lynne Barr. They become something amazing. Yeah. They become in a weird sense of Bonnie and Clyde. And they even make that reference. Yeah. They weren't the clothes because they go to the thrift store. They go to a thrift store and they pick out Bonnie and Clyde clothing. Yeah, they really do with the hat and then old man sweater. I did love the outfits because she goes in there wearing that dress. That was just it kind of reminded me of Warren Beatty. Yeah. So Roxy, the young girl who's with him, I mean, he met her in a high school parking lot. She went to school with the girl that he just killed in the parking lot for being this reality stoked. Yeah. She's super high. She's like, did you just kill Chloe? She's like, fucking off. Well, it's like she's either psychotic or just an average 16 year old girl. It really is hard to tell. Yeah. And I heard an interview with Bobcat Both Weight where he literally said that he read some sort of psychology thing about how being a 16 year old girl is much like feeling like a spree shooter. And I was like, that's fucking brilliant. That's a great comparison. Yes. I don't know what it's like to be a 16 year old girl, but it fascinates me. I kind of feel like I know it. I don't know. I feel like I could connect with that. I connected with both of these. Well, so they meet each other. It's this real crazy duo. What follows is the sweetest cross country murder spree in film history. It really is targeting everyone from Bill O'Reilly type news host to Westborough Baptist type protesters to people that answer their phones in movies. The loud talkers, the ones who don't turn off, the ones who respond to texts or phone calls in movie theaters. I love when those people get there. That's why I love the Alamo Drafthouse. Alamo Drafthouse. I love you. Alamo Drafthouse will get on your ass without being on the phone or talking too loudly. They don't play games. They'll kick you the fuck out and ban you for life. I love it. They don't give a shit. They're like, no, you fucked up during the movie. You weren't respectful of others. You're out, you're gone. And no refund. I've been to other movie theaters since Alamo has become the dominant thing in Austin. And fuck that shit, man. Don't ever go to a dollar theater. Someone's going to change a diaper in there, man. You know, they are. Yes. Dollar theaters now are just scary. We used to go a lot when I was a kid because we didn't have a lot of money. And so that's why we did the dollar movies. And even then it was sketchy. Yeah. And that's one of those things like, have you ever gone to when they give out the free tickets for a movie. They know the movie sucks and so they give out the free screening. I don't even think I've done it when I worked in the Arboretum, which I'm still not certain what an Arboretum is, but I worked in one. It sounds like it has class. Well, they would bring those Regal Cinemas screening things and it was always for shit that was going to fail. They never did critic screenings of this because they know it's not good. The worst people go to a free movie, pay for your movie. Desperado were the one tickets that I won on the radio when I was a kid, like teenager. Oh, really? Yeah. Desperate. Desperate. Zoro. Sorry. Desperate. Ask of Zoro. Yeah. Get my movies across there. The Mask of Zoro, because it was that Catherine Zeta Jones. Yeah, I think it was Mask of Zoro, whatever the hell that movie was with Antonio Bander. Antonio

Participant #1:

And in this movie came out in: 2011

Participant #1:

wasn't he also the bad guy in Insomnia with Al Pagino? Yeah, he was. He was. We didn't need to be remade. Christopher Nolan. That's your one. Indiscretion as far as I'm concerned. Did Christopher Nolan make Christopher Nolan remade Insomnia? The original is Stellen Skarsgard. I didn't know that Christopher Nolan made the Alpino one. Yeah. Are you serious? Oh, fuck. Big studio movie. Well, that's cool, though. I mean, you got Robin Williams. Al Pacino. Good entry. Who was the female lead? Was it fucking Amanda Pete? I remember. Was it? Part of me feels like it was Amanda Pete. I don't know. I could be wrong. That was the first one that popped in my head. I can't remember. I want to say I liked her. Yes. Whoever else liked the stolen Skarsgard one? That move made me fucking tired. Yeah, we visited Alaska a few years ago, and Alaska is fucking great. But the cost of living out there, it's higher. Those long days and fucking all the life is harder.

Participant #1:

nt of two of us, zigzags like: 1020

Participant #1:

And you go back to the first one where he was a punk. Yes. I think you mentioned his last one, Scrooge. Perfect for that. Or the small part and Blow, where he's stamping the product and he's like, what? He's just like counting the purity levels. And he's like, can I get some of this? Yes. They probably didn't even script that. They were just like, just go back in time. Yeah. I remember this one time when it was like, really some bombastic sticking up. Yeah. But I love the guy. He's hilarious. He's a hidden gem. It's been around our whole lives. And also that one, he's a hidden gem. He's a national treasure, if you ask me. God bless America. What are we doing next time? Next time. Yeah. Did you put names of a movie and a hat? Yeah, I did. Bitch. Old school. Just fucking pick one and give me a piece of paper. Stress me. Yeah. We're leaving this up to chance. You want me to open it? You can open it. No, I'm going to open it. Okay, you open it. So I figure I feel like we've done more that I talked about at the beginning and then you've kind of picked. I got the last two. Yeah, you got the last two. So I put in, man, my last one was a dud. I'm sorry. So we have a shared list. And what I did was I picked five movies from that list. Three were yours, two were mine. Oh my God, Armageddon. Oh, my God. We're going Michael Bay. I've never seen Armageddon. That's why it's in there. Scott's never seen Armageddon when I was probably in middle school. When that came out, they were just pumping that fucking Aerosmith song too much. It's the same as I've never seen Titanic and I never fucking will because of that fucking Celine Dion song. Was so pumped on fucking MTV. Your heart won't go wrong. Your heart won't go on, Scott. My heart will not go on. As much as I love Billy Zayn, I'm not watching that fucking movie. Okay. So in other words, you don't want to miss a thing, but you do.

Participant #1:

Yeah, we're going to do a Michael Bay. So this is different. This is going to be different because this is like a big blockbuster. This is going to be really weird for me. I know a lot about Armageddon, like so much about it. And same with Titanic. I knew how it was going to end. I don't know how Armageddon ends. Oh, shit. Armageddon has willpatten in it. Will Patton connection. Willpaten connection. Yeah, it's got Steve Bushemi. It's got Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, Billy Bob Thornton. Who else is in there? Oh, the Russian guy. Who's the Russian guy and everything, right. And we do run the risk of saying things other people upset about Armageddon on podcasts, I'm sure. I kind of like that we picked this and I liked that. This is different. This is like a blockbuster movie from the late 90s. Yes, Michael Bay and his heyday. Yeah, it's going to be weird, too because I think when Armageddon came out, I did not like Ben Affleck at all. And a lot of that has to do with fucking goodwill hunting. Yeah, I think goodwill hunting is a good movie. It's a good movie with good performances. I think that the writing of the movie is kind of like patting yourself on the back. He's a janitor. Can I say basic, but he's a genius. Basic as basic as basic as does that sum it up? Yeah, it's a masturbation fantasy.

Participant #1:

Okay. In Bastin. Armageddon, how do you like them apples? Thanks, everyone, for joining us for the last video Store clerks podcast. Be sure to leave a rating and subscribe. You can find us on Twitter at last clerk Instagram at the last video store clerk and you can find Scott at dispatches from the pit. Comm.