The Art of Self Defense - Riley Stearns Part 3 / Nothing Corey Feldman Does is Weird Anymore

The Art of Self Defense

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[00:00:09] Frank Roll: Hollywood and the independent

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[00:00:18] Scott Moran: Receive streaming services and ask the question, what the fuck is that? Does this hold up? And just, what the hell is a good movie? Anyway, I'm Frank Roll. I'm Scott Moran and we are the last video store

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[00:00:36] Frank Roll: I do have a big mirror in the bedroom, but I don't do anything weird in front

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[00:00:42] Frank Roll: It looked kind of Brazilian.

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[00:00:45] Frank Roll: for you. , but it's like they're not Brazilian. I had a lot of time to watch tv. I watched a lot of movies, not a lot of TV shows. What'd you watch The Strays on

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[00:01:02] Scott Moran: Sometimes you'll start talking about something and I'll be like, what is this? It's a documentary series, and I'll be like, oh no. It's like a three

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[00:01:11] Scott Moran: Wait, is it, or is it a movie? The Strays is a movie. It's a really good movie. Is it like Arista Cats? No. um,

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[00:01:25] Frank Roll: thought it was gonna be a horror movie. Like maybe some strangers or some per, there's, there were masks involved. I thought, I thought there were . I thought it was gonna be like a purge. Strangers. Um, we're gonna get you situation.

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[00:01:44] Frank Roll: you know, I'm gonna say it's about, it's about starting over. It's about getting, even for the choices you made, starting over, who's in this smoothie? You know, it's a bunch of, it's a bunch of Brits, it's a bunch of Brits.

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[00:01:58] Frank Roll: yeah, they were, it was from a bunch of random stuff.

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[00:02:16] Scott Moran: thing that I, the kid from, uh, umbrella Academy was in the last episode of Poker Face.

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[00:02:23] Frank Roll: She did a great job though. Uh, Ashley Medway

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[00:02:30] Frank Roll: looked at it and tried to make it work. I, I apologize if that's not how you say it. She did a great job. This movie was stressful. It was a good, stressful. And what is it about

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[00:02:51] Frank Roll: The fucking, it's good opening is this young woman and she's explaining to someone like she's just not satisfied with life.

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[00:03:12] Frank Roll: And you're like, oh, that's someone from her past. And then it all kind of comes to a head, and then it's like one of the best endings that I've seen in a long time. That sounds great. It was fucking amazing. And I didn't expect that much. And again, I thought it was gonna be straight horror, like a straight horror flick, you know, like Like a thriller?

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[00:03:31] Scott Moran: gotta get these categories under control. Yeah. You could hire us to do that . Yeah. That was literally our job, four years. Like, it

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[00:03:45] Frank Roll: It was a good movie though. Watched all the Riley Stearns shorts.

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[00:04:06] Scott Moran: Mm-hmm. And he said that he wanted to make a raised by wolves thing, but he thought it was, he thought it was hilarious how people like have to read all this shit to raise children now. Mm-hmm. And he's like, people have been raising kids without a book. 10,000 years. He's like, I'm pretty sure like, just fucking raise your kid,

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[00:04:29] Frank Roll: No, that one was, I was glad it was on YouTube. I searched it. I was like, I bet it's on YouTube. There it was. That was nice. Did you notice who the

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[00:04:41] Scott Moran: Yes. Okay. He is, uh, I think he's the guy who commits suicide and dual in the video. Okay. And then, uh, he was in fault, I think he. Was the hotel manager, hotel manager, uh, dude. Or

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[00:04:57] Scott Moran: pops up

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[00:05:02] Frank Roll: I don't know, have you seen that one? Do you know the title? Yeah.

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[00:05:19] Frank Roll: was slow. I it, I wasn't feeling it.

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[00:05:33] Scott Moran: that forehead vein, I'm not. Comfortable right now. You get one of those forehead veins too?

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[00:05:38] Frank Roll: little hot. She's just, she's got good, sleek veins on her head.

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[00:05:47] Frank Roll: Well, yeah, but I mean, here's this, she's got this like sleek forehead with these like nice veins.

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[00:05:54] Scott Moran: You could

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[00:06:00] Scott Moran: yeah. Like Keegan Michael Key. Gym, coach. Yeah. .

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[00:06:09] Scott Moran: both watched Megan. Megan. But this is the only thing I think is worth talking about.

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[00:06:28] Frank Roll: But Megan was great. . I

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[00:06:35] Scott Moran: Yeah. Of the little girl they had do all that stuff and cuz they put like a thing over her face and then they did a little bit of CGI to that thing. Mm-hmm. , it's creepy. There was a lot of like backward stuff and change frame rates. And I did notice a couple times, and I don't know if it was because it was the unrated version, the frame rate.

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[00:07:08] Frank Roll: big. So many little things.

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[00:07:15] Scott Moran: what bitch? I almost really liked that I knew how it was gonna end too. , like I saw it 10 minutes in. I was like, oh, well this is how it ends. When I paid off like that, I was like, yeah, all right.

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[00:07:33] Frank Roll: No. Olympian and I both looked at each other and said it . We were like, Hmm

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[00:07:41] Frank Roll: Well, no, cuz there was a lot of that, like the obvious, uh, , you know, conflict or like, oh, I'm not gonna believe that story, or This is overdue. You know, it

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[00:07:53] Frank Roll: pissy and she's been in other things.

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[00:07:56] Scott Moran: look it up. I didn't look it up either. But

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[00:08:00] Scott Moran: that girl. Yeah. She's gonna be like, uh, Taissa. Minga or what? The girl from American Horror Story. The first one. The second one. The third one. She's in all of 'em. Murder house.

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[00:08:15] Frank Roll: she's the, she's the, Nun or the, yeah, the, yeah, she's in the nun. In the nun. Yeah. She's a nun in the nun.

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[00:08:30] Scott Moran: That is a creepy fucking nun. It scared me more in, was it conjuring too? Yeah, with the

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[00:08:36] Scott Moran: That was much scarer. Yeah. That goes back to my, uh, that is

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[00:08:42] Scott Moran: Do you remember in the beginning of the witches, the original. when the girl gets trapped in the painting and they tell the story and at the end of it she's just still in the painting.

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[00:09:12] Scott Moran: Yeah. And stuff like that. And, uh, I'm trying to, Florida, Florida, that shit just, uh, public service announcement. Mm-hmm. , some people are fat. It's okay to point it out in a book .

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[00:09:34] Scott Moran: Oh. And it's like,

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[00:09:38] Scott Moran: Bernstein bears, I don't know what they're doing to kids these days. I don't have kids. I probably won't have kids. And uh, the main thing that I, uh, learned when I was a kid was should try not to get fat because in the eighties they were trying not to let you get fat.

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[00:09:53] Frank Roll: matter how much more PC the kid's stuff is getting, the old stuff is still out there because yeah, I'm reading these books right now, like the older ones and it's like, oh yeah, they didn't give a fuck. They were just like, oh, your kids are getting fat. No more snacks. We're eating healthy. Let's go talk to the

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[00:10:06] Scott Moran: Well, I mean, that is what happens when you eat too many snacks. Yeah. Or you get the Beatest, like Wilfred Cocoon, I love Cocoon. Steve Guttenberg, man . It is Steve Gutenberg's finest

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[00:10:28] Scott Moran: God, there was some show I was watching and oh, it was resident alien, but like the mayor who's like, Just totally like vanilla guy. He's reading the Gutenberg Bible, which is Steve Gutenberg's memoir . And I thought it was amazing.

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[00:10:48] Frank Roll: Oh, I don't know. Did you ever see

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[00:10:51] Frank Roll: Bells. Oh, that was a crazy one. He, he looked like this Fabio dude on a motorcycle after he overcame cancer to get the girl of his dreams. And it had one of those chicks that was in all the eighties and nineties. Heard the name of that chick who's in it?

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[00:11:17] Scott Moran: twister. She was in Twister. That's what I was trying to, I was like, I can picture her in a movie later.

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[00:11:29] Frank Roll: I did the leap there. I don't know if I ever knew her name. Good job though. She

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[00:11:40] Frank Roll: Did you ever look up Corey Feldman singing music now in him, him doing a cover of that song?

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[00:11:46] Scott Moran: No. What you were telling me about his girlfriend playing keyboard, just, oh

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[00:12:02] Scott Moran: best life.

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[00:12:14] Scott Moran: It's good

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[00:12:19] Scott Moran: Is he still all beefy or is he fat guy now?

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[00:12:23] Scott Moran: looks fine. It would've been funnier if he was . I mean, it's a horrible thing to, to wish on someone. No, I mean,

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[00:12:33] Frank Roll: Steroids. Corey Feldman though, watched . That video didn't maintain so well. Just he, it's weird looking. It's weird looking.

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[00:12:44] Frank Roll: Well, he dresses kind of like Michael Jackson, but sings like rock music. So

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[00:12:54] Scott Moran: I like, when was the last time Corey Feldman did something and somebody was like, that's weird. . Instead of being like, well, yeah.

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[00:13:06] Scott Moran: but we watched the art of Self-defense today. Riley Stearns, yo. Yeah. Which is why Frank brought up, we watched all of his short

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[00:13:13] Frank Roll: So now we've seen the complete Riley Stearns

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[00:13:31] Scott Moran: There you go. It's hard to say fast. It makes me think of Toblerone, but most people know him as the guy who steps in the puddle in Groundhog Day. And now I want Chocolate

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[00:13:56] Frank Roll: The Cub was great. Bris. . Oh, sorry. The blanket. The blanket. I know.

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[00:14:01] Frank Roll: it was the brisket. When, when Scott pulled it up on the screen, I was like, ah, I swear.

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[00:14:08] Scott Moran: Well, I think they're all about loneliness, and I think everything he makes is about loneliness. The cub was maybe the least lonely. Mm-hmm. . But the other three were about. lonely people, and oh, cask felt lonely. It was just that one thing, and it was just absurd.

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[00:14:46] Scott Moran: And I used to think that when I was on tour.

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[00:14:50] Scott Moran: song. Well that was the thing was I'd be on tour with a band and like. There'd be 10 dudes in a fucking van together 24 hours a day. Mm-hmm. . And I would be like, I am the loneliest I've ever been in my life, . And I've thought that in relationships and, uh, and alone,

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[00:15:08] Scott Moran: uncomfortable?

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[00:15:40] Scott Moran: Mm-hmm. . And uh, I was like, I need the dogs , I need the comfort. Like, I was like, I'm really uncomfortable being at home alone with no dog. I could be murdered and I wouldn't know. because my dog wouldn't be greeting the murderer. Yeah. No

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[00:15:58] Frank Roll: No, this was a good one though. I have not been disappointed by one of his movies. I think

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[00:16:18] Scott Moran: I think of the three, there were parts of

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[00:16:27] Scott Moran: too. You know, like, and it wasn't just, the technology in the movie was also like late eighties, early nineties.

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[00:16:37] Frank Roll: I like

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[00:16:40] Frank Roll: No. Like, we're not in that cell phone world when we watched Riley Stearns movie and it's all kind of orange, you know, you've got that real orange, brown filter feel, , you know? True. Yeah. Those, you know, you feel like you're in a, a cigarette smoky room.

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[00:17:07] Scott Moran: I feel like the main complaint I was reading in reviews where they were like, it's like he had an idea and he went right up to a point.

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[00:17:20] Frank Roll: read the reviews on the Riley

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[00:17:29] Scott Moran: I think to him it's kind of, you get it . Yeah.

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[00:17:36] Scott Moran: fuck off. You really got that in the short film

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[00:17:47] Frank Roll: He was also in Jurassic Park. Three. Um, oh yeah, but I fuck. Yeah. But I figured out, you know, his, there's only so many faces. What was happening to me was go ship 2002. The guy who plays the bad guy in that, who's also a detective in Dexter. Yes. To

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[00:18:06] Scott Moran: Okay. I think there's a main character in wrong turn because CTO was also

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[00:18:18] Scott Moran: um, ,

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[00:18:23] Scott Moran: know, winding up in the hospital after being beaten by a group of leather cla assailants on motorcycles.

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[00:18:42] Frank Roll: Did you, did you have any uh, foot fists? Parallels

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[00:18:48] Scott Moran: That wasn't what I was gonna parallel, but what?

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[00:18:55] Scott Moran: Close though. , the school is comprised of all male students in a single female Anna, who teaches the children's class despite his weaknesses. Sensei is impressed by Casey's determination and invites him to join the exclusive night class on Sensei's advice.

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[00:19:22] Scott Moran: When Sensei claims to have found one of the men that put Casey in the hospital, he pushes them into retaliating. Casey realizes the dude is innocent, and that his own mugging was carried out by his classmates. Returning home to find his wiener dog punched to death, he takes action to uncover the extent of sensei's manipulation and fraternity of violence.

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[00:19:42] Frank Roll: The art of self-defense was of course, written and directed by Riley Stearns in Stars. Jesse Eisenberg is Casey Imogen Poots as Anna and Alessandra Nav Sensei. The film also features Steve Toras Thomas David Zelner is Henry and Philip Andre Patello as Kenneth, all of whom play other students at the Dojo.

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[00:20:24] Scott Moran: putts.

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[00:20:41] Frank Roll: together. I was gonna bring that. Was there anything else they did together?

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[00:20:48] Scott Moran: think, getting things each other crossed in my head for a second. I was like, well, they were in green room together, but that was Anton. Yuck. Was it, it could have been Jesse Eisenberg though easily, which means

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[00:20:59] Scott Moran: SARA.

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[00:21:04] Frank Roll: which also means, I think there's,

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[00:21:16] Frank Roll: so crazy. Anyway, yeah, that was a sad

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[00:21:21] Frank Roll: guy's career turned out.

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[00:21:25] Scott Moran: man, just you could see between, so this was before dual and then faults didn't have this sort of dialogue. No exchanges dual had it maybe a little too much the, the way the dialogue bounced, and I liked that Sensei had a different way of talking than everyone else.

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[00:22:04] Scott Moran: 11, the 11 changes a couple. Like he sw he seems to swap it out to point at it.

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[00:22:23] Frank Roll: another gun reference. Yeah. Cuz it was always stuck with gun. It

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[00:22:27] Frank Roll: it. Well, but I'm sure it was added after the unfortunate accident of the master.

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[00:22:39] Scott Moran: That picture is apparently of an actual like karate

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[00:22:47] Scott Moran: I don't know how any of that works.

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[00:22:59] Frank Roll: pictured when you say like, yeah, this ex army dude opens a dojo in West Virginia. I picture the guy who lifts shit with his nuts and men who stare at goats, the one with the flying knife technique.

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[00:23:24] Frank Roll: Imaging, like I knew that the biker gang was gonna be somebody who played into it.

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[00:23:32] Frank Roll: that's part of what's taken me to the like eighties action thing. You know what I mean? Is like Yeah. That's, that's

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[00:23:48] Scott Moran: I was like, I see where this is going. Did you feel like, uh, when he wanted to wear his yellow belt all the time, did that ever make you think about like playing Ninja Turtles when you were a kid? when he gets the other belt in all the colors for everyone in the class and they're real excited about it and they're like, I can wear it all the time.

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[00:24:11] Frank Roll: Mm-hmm. . Well, I just love how this whole karate scene where these socially awkward individuals who all had the same kind of tics, they weren't the type to start a conversation, but they could easily hold a conversation with one another.

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[00:24:23] Scott Moran: personalities. I think that they all got, despite, I mean the, the like toxicity of the guy giving,

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[00:24:42] Scott Moran: Oh, when he busted out that big ass fucking granddad video camera. Yeah. The, the

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[00:25:01] Scott Moran: It's just a regular ass belt too. Yeah, . And then when he has the brown one, you're like also

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[00:25:07] Frank Roll: But it's like, Hey man, I really appreciate you getting me this belt.

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[00:25:16] Frank Roll: Broken tape. And then his TV at the. , you know, I was like, man, why does this guy have such an old tv? But then I'm like, well, look at his vo, look at his answering machine because you

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[00:25:26] Scott Moran: No one else left you a message. Oh, and what was with when he, uh, photocopied the boobs out of that book? Yeah, and then he went home and he covered all of them, but one to masturbate. , this is my

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[00:25:42] Scott Moran: interfere with that. I think it was the exact same picture he was looking at at work

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[00:25:48] Frank Roll: Yes, .

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[00:25:54] Frank Roll: you could see it coming from the second he stands up, he gets the form. Did you notice his back went straight And you see the arms starting to move. I was like, oh, he is gonna fucking get him . He's gonna fucking get him.

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[00:26:04] Frank Roll: dinner at your house. And the boss was just trying to be his friend the whole time.

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[00:26:09] Frank Roll: And then night class dude. How about the introduction to night class? Extremely

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[00:26:20] Frank Roll: I was like, what the fuck? Kind of

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[00:26:38] Scott Moran: But then taking it to this other extreme, it's probably not good either. And there were even scenes that I felt like paralleled that where there was the guy who shows up to the night class. , and he's not supposed to, but he thought he was gonna get promoted to the night class, and then he breaks his arm and then later with his inevitable suicide, which I was like, I have a feeling about this.

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[00:27:07] Frank Roll: his cast was blue? Like the belt. Oh yeah. . Well, and then that, why the fuck does that dojo have an incinerator in the, in the other room?

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[00:27:18] Scott Moran: That's what I'm saying. It had the conveyer belt and everything. Yeah. It

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[00:27:22] Scott Moran: was, he was in business. Yeah, he had his business model figured out

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[00:27:28] Scott Moran: He just needed a good

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[00:27:32] Frank Roll: I would say early nineties. I would say early because definitely not late eighties. I, I think there's enough there to say early nineties, cuz you've still got some spill over from the eighties happening. Poor little dog. It's like his only friend and then he treats it like shit and then it starts listening to Grind Core.

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[00:27:46] Scott Moran: time. There were three full of hell songs and there was a Thou song as. That was a band I really like. That's what I had noticed was Emma, Ruth Rundel had, uh, scored that last short film. Okay. The, the one he did during the pandemic and, uh, the blanket.

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[00:28:06] Frank Roll: They stay in touch. That's a good way to network. Good T-shirts all around. He was at the music store and he, the one metal c. So he must have been like a A one metal CD there in a snow. Be, yeah, there. So I'm like, oh, this is like the Barnes and Noble you CDs.

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[00:28:28] Frank Roll: rock? You don't hurt your wrist playing soft rock. Or whatever he says, , when Thomas is trying to give him the excuse. There's nothing bad about these movies. They're just all, they're they're own kind of quality.

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[00:28:41] Scott Moran: one is the most re watchable. Yeah, I would like to own this movie. I very much enjoyed just the pace of the story, but as soon as I started noticing the Fight Club Parallels mm-hmm. , I was like, oh, this is just a more sort of an updated one. But he wasn't saying anything necessarily heavy handed about masculinity being wrong.

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[00:29:09] Frank Roll: Did you notice at one point he walks into the dojo? I think it's when he confronts, uh, Anna about the dog killing her revenge speech to the kids. I loved it so much. Like the kids think he was the only one concerned about what was happening in front of kids.

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[00:29:24] Scott Moran: I like when she chokes that kid out and she's like, tap or check a nap. One of the other

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[00:29:36] Frank Roll: It's like riding a tandem bicycle or having sex . And who knows how many different, but so he found the tapes. I knew it there was gonna be like, and instead of Faces of Death, it was Faces of Fists.

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[00:29:51] Frank Roll: you would Faces of Death at that time in the nineties.

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[00:30:00] Scott Moran: It was the Metalheads that grew up in the fucking nineties, . We were like, listen to Brew Har and fucking watch these Faces

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[00:30:09] Frank Roll: Who There was that one Blockbuster on Burnett that had a Faces of Death VHS that you

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[00:30:16] Frank Roll: They didn't have 'em at the other blockbusters that I knew of because

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[00:30:21] Frank Roll: Yeah. It was right there in the weird documentaries in the back.

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[00:30:24] Scott Moran: But there was a lot of like weird little homoerotic things that would come in anytime you tell a story. Masculinity like this do and it coming up like it always gets kind of, kind

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[00:30:41] Scott Moran: Yeah. You have to start from the front . Yeah. I think that he saw those things cuz that's like the. The fucking scene in Fight Club where they're in the bathtub, like he's in the bathtub and he is sitting next to him while he is taking a bath and everything's gross and disgusting in there. Mm-hmm. . And you're just like, this is so weird.

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[00:31:04] Frank Roll: you notice that when he is in Sensei's office digging through the desk, the gift card's right there in the. What was

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[00:31:12] Frank Roll: to like go back in. It was like a Mexican food place, like a TexMex place, something like it was something.

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[00:31:32] Frank Roll: But I, I think that gift card got two or three references in the movie. What else was in there? There was Oh, little bag of meth or coke. It's probably

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[00:31:43] Frank Roll: Coke. Yeah, if it was. But it's just, it was the, it was kind of

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[00:31:55] Scott Moran: I'm going to be a dick all the time. , you know? And you're like, well, that guy's on cocaine, the hell of a drug. You know, I use it like coffee , just a little toot

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[00:32:09] Scott Moran: In Oregon. Yeah, let's go. Makes my teeth feel good. .

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[00:32:17] Frank Roll: It's like the fifth time, man. I done just one more time. Give me one more soda. Get me one more Soda. Makes me clean the house. .

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[00:32:35] Frank Roll: what I'm saying.

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[00:32:42] Scott Moran: I mean like an adult version of the Karate Kid.

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[00:32:50] Frank Roll: Sometimes murdering them all over, getting them to join for a karate class. How much is, how much is his membership ?

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[00:33:04] Frank Roll: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

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[00:33:07] Scott Moran: felt like that was kind of their. , their motive for it was the same kind of thing. This person isn't gonna amount to anything. This will set them off in a better direction, but maybe not the way to go about it. I would like them to reset the debt record though.

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[00:33:28] Frank Roll: be mad. He makes a good film, man. Everything falls into place at the end on this one.

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[00:33:41] Scott Moran: You know? Yeah. This

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[00:33:46] Scott Moran: with it. The finger, the one finger punch thing, to cover the bullet hole was so funny, and it made me wonder if that was what had happened to the Grand Master.

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[00:34:00] Scott Moran: He never said that. He taught him.

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[00:34:18] Frank Roll: I just appreciate it cuz I didn't see it coming.

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[00:34:24] Frank Roll: he did. I think, yeah. No, no. Most definitely. But before it even happened, I didn't see that that coming. I, I didn't know what was going to happen, but I didn't just expect it. But in a sense, it's like sometimes that's just what you want in a movie.

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[00:34:41] Scott Moran: minutes ago. This was probably the longest of his and felt shorter to me. This was an hour and 44 minutes, and the other two ran. Just a tight hour and a half, but even with the extra 15 minutes, like I was like, ah, that was, that was a perfect movie.

[: 00:34:56

[00:34:59] Frank Roll: moments. My last note was great fucking movies. Holy shit. Yeah,

[: 00:35:03

[00:35:19] Frank Roll: so I was gonna say there's something, oh, TV series.

[: 00:35:22

[00:35:32] Scott Moran: well what's that? Well, I mean, if we follow Suit it well no, south by Southwest, if we get one this year, if not , , maybe South by Southwest another year.

[: 00:35:42

[00:35:56] Frank Roll: Yeah. I'm ready for the next one. And after our next movie, I think I might be ready to move on from AMC Plus. I think watcher may have been my last one outside of this. Next, next

[: 00:36:06

[00:36:10] Frank Roll: Okay, thank you. And then, uh, I don't think I would've forgot, but yes.

[: 00:36:14

[00:36:33] Scott Moran: Next week we're gonna watch skin Amarin. Wouldn't you do reading about it? Uh, people could not be more polarized about that. in the sense that about 20% of people like it and the rest fucking hate this movie. Yes. But, uh, I'm interested in seeing if it's scary at all.

[: 00:36:51

[00:36:55] Frank Roll: This one freaked me out in the theater. When I saw the preview in the theater, in a theater, it gave me some goosebumps. So I'm hoping it has some jumps and at least gets,

[: 00:37:04

[00:37:19] Frank Roll: It is a pretty fucked up looking house. Thanks everyone for joining us. For the last Video Store Clerks podcast, be sure to leave a rating and subscribe. You can find us on Twitter at Last Clerks Instagram at the last video store clerks, and you can find Scott at dispatchesfromthepit.com.